LEAVE WINE LOVERS ALONE
When you becomes an enthusiast or lover of something, you bubble over most of the time with an infectious enthusiasm that is normally (enjoyed) by those around you. But often little habits or idiosyncrasies that you overlook can become a real irritant to your friends and families.
I recently asked some of my not so wine enthused friends and acquaintances to tell me what are the most annoying habits and behaviours of us wine lovers.
One girl told me that the reason she dumped her boyfriend of 5 years was that when he opened a bottle he always sniffed the cork…..It reminded her too much of her dog.
Another friend told me how her boyfriend read the tasting note aloud and she realised it was a list of attributes that she hated in him. Bitter, dry, intense, quite acidic, grippy and lingering.
The more I hung out with non wine lovers, the more they felt it was necessary to bash the thing that they hate about winos. So what? Are we meant to be embarrassed for loving wine…….For being dazzled and amazed and more so curious by the wonders and magic that can exist inside a wine bottle…..Is that so wrong?
It got me thinking. What is it that I most despise about NON wine lovers. If being a wine lover made us the butt of jokes and ridicule, surely I’m allowed to take a shot back…Afterall, when have I ever been known to engage my brain before my mouth (or fingers as is mostly the case).
Champagne snobs – I only drink KRUG
Fuckwits that “just love” a brand of bubbly and won’t have generic champagne but only this particular brand. These tend to be late thirties complete lushes, normally so plastered when you meet them they couldn’t tell the difference between the taste of Champagne and the back of a stamp. But ask a few questions and you will realise that their boobs or wallet are large enough to sustain a habit of just that brand without really sampling what the rest of that great appellation has to offer. Remember that naming that brand is for effect only.
Awful wine racks
People with those horrendous wine racks that are built into kitchens. If there is one room in your house that is definitely unsuitable for keeping wine, it’s your kitchen! It’s hot, it’s cold, it’s bright it’s dark. Vibrations from the food mixer, oven fan and washing machine But kitchen designers who incidentally, annoy me almost as much as estate agents always have pretty, smiling couples having a glass of red at their kitchen counter with 5 or 6 bottles unwittingly aging their way to oblivion in the background on a wine-rack beside a fridge in their brochures. Sorry people – it doesn’t work.
Disrespectors of Wines of Origin
People who offer you champagne but give you prosecco. When you politely point out the difference they dismiss your input saying they’re both sparkling wine and isn’t that what’s important. You might retort by suggesting that you take their Jaguar home and leave them the keys to your 12 year old Fiat Punto. As you watch their face screw up in disgust, remind them that they’re both cars and isn’t that what’s important.
Using the wrong glasses. Having a party and running out of wine glasses claiming it’s ok to serve wine to some of the guests in champagne flutes. Sorry, but that’s not OK. Having plastic glasses would do a better job.
Wine Gift Hoarders
Not opening the nice wine I bring to parties and giving me the junk they bought in bulk based on price alone. You’ve been invited to a barbeque so you know there’s going to be meat! In my experience I have never encountered any blatant acts of vegetarianism at a barbeque. You ask your wine merchant to give you a decent bottle, let’s face it if someone is going to give you a steak, you’ll bring a roaring Malbec, Shiraz or Rhone. You present the wine and it disappears. So when nature calls it’s worth taking a little look around some of the obvious short term storage places when you pop inside. Think like a child playing hide-and-go-seek, if you find the gift you brought in one of these places your hosts clearly have some disturbing issues.
Believe me there’s so much more but I’ll save that for another day……